BRASS ENSEMBLE

In February of 2023, my biological father passed away. Our relationship was not the best and it had its ups and downs on both sides but during the last year, it was on the road to a recovery. For a lot of my life, I held this anger when dealing with my father; there were moments of wanting him to watch and understand the career I had and where I was going. I felt like for a long time he didn’t know what I was doing and because of that I left that side of my life alone. It wasn’t until his last year, in the fall of 2022, when I went to him and checked on him- I had heard his health was diminishing. At the hospital I saw him there, a man who was filled with confidence and strength, now sick and tired. I just sat by his side that day and for that entire day nothing really mattered. He then would proceed to say that he was proud of me and that he was always proud of me.

And those were the last words he told me.

The next couple of months he stopped eating, stopped taking medicine, and refused to be resuscitated if anything were to happen. He was at peace with how things were.

In February he passed away.

I went back to Georgia for the funeral and when I was at home I went back to some of my unfinished pieces, one of them was this originally titled “With Rage”, which was a sort of composition exercise I did for brass ensemble that dealt with emotion: the emotion I had with my father and I’s relationship. I looked at the piece and I wanted to try and say something from this unfinished work.

Originally -years ago- I stopped at the big rage moment of the piece, but I continued that day, I didn’t feel anger anymore: I felt sadness, I felt like I was bargaining at moments - whether it was with a divine figure or even with my own emotions- and most of all I felt the feeling of letting go. I let go of my anger, my sadness, and my pain.

I was at peace.

He was at peace.

When Dan Belongia approached me with the opportunity to write a new piece for brass and percussion, I realized that it was an opportunity to express this experience through this music.  I am eternally grateful for the opportunity and the beautiful performanc